When I came out to my mom, she told me she loved me for who I am, and that would never change. She used words like, “I am proud of you” and told me to “keep being me”. Her words were made from pure love.
We were in her car and then she nonchalantly looked down and said, “Oh dear, I’ve spilt something on my pants”. I gave her the biggest hug and then got out of the car (to wherever she was taking me).
It wasn’t a big deal.
Years later, she would tell me that she cried all the way home. And for days after that.
Not because I had come out.
But because she was so fearful that my life would be filled with hate. She knew what most humans are like. As a mom, she couldn’t protect me from the world. And that broke her heart.
I watched “Origin” a couple of weeks ago.
It’s such an incredibly powerful film. And so important.
I cried. A lot.
And I haven’t stopped thinking about it.
The film is a 2023 American biographical drama written and directed by Ava DuVernay, based on the life of Isabel Wilkerson (played by Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor) as she writes “Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents.” The emotional rollercoaster follows Isabel as she grapples with a personal tragedy while travelling through Germany, India, and the United States to research the caste systems, revealing how caste, beyond race or class or most belief systems, underpins systemic bigotry and discrimination.
In real life, in her Pulitzer Prize-winning best-selling book, Isabel explores the idea that prejudice is a manifestation of a deeper, more pervasive social hierarchy system. She argues that while there are many critical factors in discrimination, understanding the broader concept of caste helps to explain the underlying structures of bigotry and inequality that exist globally.
“Because it means the enemy, the threat, is not one man, it is us, all of us, lurking in humanity itself.”
When I was in India a few years ago, a tour guide on a bus (which was taking us somewhere) chose to explain the caste system.
The caste system is a hierarchical social structure in India and parts of South Asia, dividing people into hereditary groups based on birth, occupation, and social status.
The four main “varnas” are Brahmins (priests), Kshatriyas (warriors), Vaishyas (merchants), and Shudras (labourers), with Dalits (or untouchables) outside these groups facing severe discrimination. This system has historically dictated social interactions and opportunities, leading to deep-rooted inequality. Despite legal reforms, its influence persists in some areas, even today, in 2024.
The tour guide went into great detail (to complete strangers) about how if she found out that an “untouchable” served her chai, she would throw that drink in their face and wash her hands with bleach. She believed that it would be one of the worst things to happen to her.
The hardest thing for me was how proud she was – in her mind – to be better than another human.
I was on a tour bus. Surrounded by complete strangers. I looked out the window to hide the tears streaming down my face.
The f**k is wrong with people?
Last week, in South Africa, a video of Mlondi Mdluli, a first-time member of the South African Parliament, went viral on X (Twitter).
Mlondi is a senior economic researcher at the Centre for Risk Analysis. He is also pursuing a PhD in Economics at the University of Reading in the UK.
In the video, he was so bladdy excited, so joyful, and so proudly South African. His palpable enthusiasm to be part of a new generation of Parliament, eager to make a positive difference in our country, was a breath of fresh air to many.
But then the other side of the comments took over, and the toxicity seeped in. Apparently, his accent was worth hundreds of comments, tantamount to cyberbullying.
Hate is a learnt behaviour.
Yesterday, Mia Le Roux was featured on Miss South Africa’s TikTok account. Out of all the videos of the top 16, she has the most views. She looks into the camera and tells the world that two interesting facts about her are that she once won an Axe-Throwing competition and that she has a very soft spot for animals. She doesn’t mention it but the “least interesting” thing about her is that she is a Cochlear Implantee. I say the least interesting thing because that shouldn’t matter.
But of course it does. The comments were so vile and absolutely unnecessary. The level of apathy was unreal.
Hate is a learnt behaviour.
Last night, a South African “has been” politician trying to remain relevant by being as controversial as possible on social media posed a question to his handful of followers. “Do you think it’s time to ban LGBT in South Africa?” The guy is known for being a little obsessed with the LGBTQIA+ community. Last year he tried to rally his troops to paint over the rainbow crossing in Cape Town. No one showed up. But the post last night was very telling.
The comments were heartbreaking. So many people agreeing and adding their abhorrent opinions to his post. So incredibly revolting.
Hate is a learnt behaviour.
“And discrimination is a manifestation of a deeper, more pervasive social hierarchy system.”
But if hate is a learnt behaviour, then so is love.
You see, in between all those horrible comments, there were people standing up against the hate. Like care bears opening their chests with all their might and spreading love like confetti. Or maybe glitter. And you know what glitter does. It gets everywhere. And you absolutely can’t get rid of that shit.
I digress.
I wish I could go back in time to that day when I came out to my mom to tell her that she had absolutely nothing to worry about. Yes, the world is filled with hateful people but in the same breath, it is filled with so many more people moulded with love. Born from love. Taught to love. Defying hate because of love.
Mommy, you taught me to love. You instilled in me the most powerful force in the world. Do you understand how strong you made me?
Friends, love is the answer.
Love will always win. It is all about Love.
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
Oh, you need to put Origin on your watch list. It’s heavy but it’s brilliant. It will change your perspective of why you, me, and the person in the comments section think the way we do and say the things out loud that we believe in.
The start of the film. The gunshot. That scene with the kid by the pool. The books being burnt. The photo by the hanging tree. Brett. The border. That scene in Harlem. The man in the pit latrine. The oil. And their prayers. Good grief, the prayers. The leaves. Those autumn leaves. Being alone in familiar places. The undressing. The haircutting. The ships. The dehumanising. The pillars. The cruelty. The screams. The tears. And the end.
This is just a word salad until you watch the movie. Then you’ll understand.
“Not one of us was around when this house was built. But here we are. The current occupants of a property with stress cracks built into the foundation and a roof that must be replaced. We are the heirs to whatever is right or wrong with it. We didn’t erect the uneven pillars, but they are ours to deal with now. The cracks won’t fix themselves. Any more deterioration is on our watch.”
We need to be better than the ones that came before us.
We need to love louder.
Any more deterioration is on our watch.
Okay. Love you. Bye.
